Name: Charlize Theron
Status: Hand Cock Blonde
Occupation: Actress
Why?: Anyone knows that if a blonde penetrates through The Zodiac’s ocular forcefield, she’s gotta be one blazing-ass chick! Face has to be on point! Well, Charlize Theron did more than that to earn a spot on the Hulk Smash stage. You see…I remember seeing this South African broad in a commercial for “Mighty Joe Young” (gotta love that name) and was instantly caught with my corpuscles mixing in my bloodstream causing my eyes to turn green with Hulk-smash madness! Since then, I’ve seen her grow in Hollywood into an almost flawless piece of nani.
Even Will Smith fell for her in Hancock. Hell, I watched that flick knowing Charlize would be wearing some tight black leathery outfit. And what about that commercial she’s in where she’s taking her clothes off ’cause of some perfume? Sheeeyiiittt! If I saw her blonde ass running on me like that, I’d open my arms to the Gods and my clothes would peel off from osmosis. No doubt. Smash! Damn you, woman… SMASH!!