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Colombiana (2011)
[rating=3]
It’s not difficult to look at Zoe Saldana. After all, she’s a featured guest on my¬¨‚ĆHulk Smash¬¨‚Ćlist for a reason. ¬¨‚ĆShe’s slammable, smart, sexy, and apparently,…a ninja! ¬¨‚ĆYes, Zoe plays an assassin who saw her parents murdered when she was a little kid. Well, what would any 7 year old do when killers are after a disk containing valuable information? ¬¨‚ĆThat’s right,…she’d fight back and escape through a window run all over town, and head to an embassy. Then, she’d get a ticket to Miami, escape federal custody, buy a ticket to Chicago, and somehow locate her uncle in the middle of beating the piss out of someone in a dark alley. Yes…most children would do that.
Any who, Catalina or Cathelina or Cathater…whatever her name is as been screwing some White dude on her time off of daily slaughter after realizing as a kid, her dreams in life was to become an notable raging assassin. Nice! Now grown up, hot, skinny, and with perky breasts, Uhura…errr, Catherina hunts down dudes from homes to prisons and leaves their bodies with graffiti pics of flowers drawn on them. ¬¨‚Ć Police stations can’t even hold her down while she’s locked in one of the cells!¬¨‚Ć How’s that for master-plan-revenge-manipulator?
I’d say you should check this out ’cause it’s a lot of fun and you get to see Zoe in a tight-ass catsuit.¬¨‚Ć Even She-Hulk was impressed with her lithe, slinky body in that suit.¬¨‚Ć The nipples popping out were just icing on the cake.¬¨‚Ć The movie ends with Johnny Cash’s “Hurt”, so I decided the film needed an extra star on the rating. Ha!