Mad Max – Fury Road (2015)

Posted by The Zodiac | Blog,Movie Reviews,Reviews | Friday 15 May 2015 11:39 pm

Mad Max: Fury Road(2015)

[rating=4]

So, imagine you ran out of the house, jumped in your car and drove clear across town in order to buy something special with a few of your friends. Once you get there, you have to U-Turn and go back because you forgot your wallet. Mad Max: Fury Road is something like that except on horse steroids, in the middle of something that looks like New Mexico, with bad-ass women with scars and missing limbs; plus you’re a former prisoner with a metal mask on your face and chain around your neck. Oh yeah, and there are savages chasing you in both directions and they all want you dead.

This movie is a non-stop adrenalin rush from start to finish and has everything you want. Old woman with a tattooed face? Check. Ultimate Guitar Hero fanboy who is dedicated to his job under any circumstance? Check. Big women supplying breast milk for the higher-ups? Check. Dwarf in a wheelchair who looks like he’s sleeping all day? Check! What else do you need? Oh yeah…Charlize Theron! Sure, she only has one arm but she’s still hot with her shaved head and under the name Furiosa. She links up with Max, played by Tom Hardy, after he’s captured and (sort of) escapes from the lair of the overlord, Immortan Joe, who looks like a combination of Ric Flair and American Horror Story crazy clown, Twisty. “Escapes” may be misleading. He was attached to the front of a war vehicle like a hood ornament and taken into battle on the drylands as a Mercedes car symbol. Thanks to some savvy thinking, a haboob, and a car accident, he’s freed from his captor…sort of. “Freed” may be misleading. He was handcuffed to his assumingly dead captor and dragged him and the card door till he ran into Furiosa and four fine ladies with scars bathing in water from their war vehicle in the middle of the desert.

After a vicious fight over weapons and more, they all team up in a way to head toward the “Green Place”. Apparently, this is the only place around where something more than dirt exists. Considering Furiosa’s women are the wives of crazy Joe and one of them is pregnant, this leads Joe’s army after them. Thus, the one way drive begins to safety and through other rebels in the drylands. I won’t even tell you about the U-turn. Just know, more ladies are met, a War Boy is redeemed and a lot of people die! But still…you’ll see how Rock n Roll lives on! #guitarhero

Skyline (2010)

Posted by The Zodiac | Movie Reviews,Reviews | Monday 19 December 2011 9:00 am

Skyline (2010)

[rating=2]

Yooo!! This movie sucked!¬¨‚Ć Ok…so we have another E.T. type flick where the Aliens visit earth and want to suck up our resources.¬¨‚Ć Thank God we have the dude in other flicks with the long face and sharp nose and Donald Faison from Scrubs fame ready to help defeat the Earth-sucking foreigners of the universe!¬¨‚Ć Yeah…like they have a shot in hell.¬¨‚Ć And thus, the movie, Skyline comes to fruition.¬¨‚Ć I can’t believe someone actually budgeted and greenlit this pile of steaming hot feces.¬¨‚Ć Even worse, there are people out there who got jookz’d into seeing this in the theater.

So, we have sharp-nose dude and Faison who are old friends.¬¨‚Ć Faison made it big in entertainment and his sharp Devil-faced buddy and his girl (the Olivia Wilde bootleg from NCIS episodes) go visit him in his lavish apartment in LA.¬¨‚Ć Uh oh…they look into the light and lo-and-behold, the grip is too strong and they start turning veiny blue.¬¨‚Ć They avoid it with the help of others but some in the apartment are too weak and fall victim to the stupid-looking aliens.

Skyline is about as bad as Donald Faison’s credit and his new Gary Busey-like dentures.¬¨‚Ć Oh yeah… One Black guy with a WHOLE bunch of White people are trying to escape the end of the world….guess who dies?¬¨‚Ć haha!

Check this crap out if you wanna see Sgt. Batista from Dexter in action along with a dumb storyline that actually includes a pregnancy which gets them out of trouble.¬¨‚Ć Yeah…THAT type of movie!¬¨‚Ć Craptastic!

Drive (2011)

Posted by The Zodiac | Movie Reviews,Reviews | Friday 16 December 2011 9:00 am

Drive (2011)

[rating=4]

I like this flick!¬¨‚Ć I was a little leery since this Gosling dude was in that soft-as-butter movie, The Notebook but he redeemed himself in this one.¬¨‚Ć He plays this guy who barely speaks throughout the entire flick like he’s autistic.¬¨‚Ć He doesn’t need to speak though since his look can hook in the girl next door as he chews on his toothpick.¬¨‚Ć But when he’s not greasing his slick non-verbals to his cute blonde-something, he’s greasing his skills behind the wheel.¬¨‚Ć Think “Transporter” but much more subtle and realistic.

So, he meets up with the Malcolm in the Middle dad, you know the guy from “Breaking Bad”?¬¨‚Ć Anyway, he’s his right-hand and of course, dude gets into trouble which brings the Gosling guy into action to drive his way out of danger.¬¨‚Ć Yeah, the premise sounds obnoxious but it’s actually really good once the next-door-neighbor chick’s man gets out of jail and has to do “one last job” and Gosling has to be the “hero”.¬¨‚Ć Ha!¬¨‚Ć A couple of dead bodies later, the chase is on!

I definitely recommend this one if you want to chill out, watch a couple of good chases and gush at the next door neighbor.¬¨‚Ć She’s a cutie.¬¨‚Ć Other than that, we have murder, extreme violence, driving and a good story to go on!¬¨‚Ć Thumbs up, dammit!