Name: Kerry Washington

Status: My Gamma Weakness

Occupation: Actress

Why?: You ever look at a person and seem to say “Holy Shit!” although it’s 300th time you’ve seen them.  Yeah…that’s Kerry Washington.  Beautiful, sexy, talented and leading her own popular TV show these days isn’t a bad life for this incredibly Hulk-smashable pile of chocolate bliss!  Good-God!  Now, I have FB fam who always keep the world up-to-date with their Scandal status messages but I really wish some of them would just post photos of Kerry. It’d be a much better FB status and keep the interest of those who don’t give a damn about TV.

I don’t know what Kerry has up her sleeve during the off season, but for now, I have a bed she can share with me while she makes her next deal.  Too bad, it would fail because she’d be in a wheelchair after I was done with her.  That’s just how Hulk’s smash these days…

Name: Rosario Dawson

Status: Sin in the City
Occupation: Actress

Why?: Every day, it’s the same thing.  Go to sleep and dream about Rosario Dawson.  Who doesn’t remember their first crush on her from the old flick “Kids” back in the day?  Who else from that film do you remember?  Exaaaactly!  Not only is she bad as hell physically, she seems like a cool-ass chick you’d play cee-lo on the corner with and get beaten for trying to jack her for her money.  But that femininity comes out in some flicks when her boobs come out flying like in that weak-ass Colin foreign dude-movie where he saw them in 3-D.  Some old Trojan Horse type flick that I could care less about except where Rosario showed her bulbous chesticles and made every man hate his own significant other at the time.

Be on the lookout!  Apparently, her next flick, “Trance” has our Rosario nude again but this time down below where her beef curtains are in full view due to a lack of forestry. Niiiiice!  Smash is in her future.

Name: Mena Suvari

Status: Bunny Bubble!

Occupation: Actress

Why?: I don’t know what it is about this girl.  But for some reason, I’ve had a little crush on her since her little ass showed up on my tv screen watching “American Beauty”.  That was back in the late 90′s and I always kept her in the back of my head.  Then, recently, I watched a flick called “Stuck” where she had cornrows and made bad decisions.  Watching her as the Black Dahlia on American Horror Story probably finalized the crush into a full-blown love affair where she’d need some hulking in order to satisfy my needs and desires.  Yeah, Mena…you’ve been put into the Gamma radar.  And it’s prepared to fire, dammit!

Name: Nicole Scherzinger

Status: Pussy….catdoll

Occupation: Singer

Why?: For the life of me, I could never say Nicole’s last name. I guess it didn’t matter since her new name would be Nicole Zodiac anyway. I remember when the Pussy Cat Dolls came out and I knew it was a gimmick but the lead singer was so ridiculously hot, I had to know more. So, they released that song about us wishing our girlfriends were hot like her. I thought the song was a parody or something until it climbed the charts. Oh shit! The Death of Music! But Gaaddd DAMN the lead was hot! Forward all of these years later…and guess what? Nicole’s a judge on some show, got some new titties and is STILL HOT! Oh yeah…Nicole would get smashed through the wall-style! Then pinned down until the earth stopped. Thor and his hammer wouldn’t dent me or budge at that point. Nicole…call me. …my lady, She-Hulk will just have to understand.

Name: Minka Kelly

Status: Jeter’s Former Meatbeater

Occupation: Actress

Why?: I was watching this movie I snatched called “The Roommate”. The story was done before (hello,..Single White Female? Anyone? Beuller?). But the lead chick was freakin’ DOPE! I couldn’t stop just looking at her despite the silly film. I looked her up and found that Derek Jeter (of course) was smashing and before marriage, tossed her to the side and wrote her name on his wall with 4 stars next to it. Derek knows about smashing in real life so he gets props. Minka needs to be on my list asap. She’s now doing a dumb soon-to-be-canceled remake of “Charlie’s Angels” so she’ll be out of a job soon. When she does, I can cape for her and give her the Hulk for a few weeks till she’s back on her feet. So, Minka,..the offer is here for you. Thanks for tossing her back to us, Derek.

Name: Jillian Michaels

Status: Pumping Wood..and Iron!

Occupation: Fitness Guru

Why?: Ahh..Jillian! Go Daddy girl! Fitness guru… What more can you want from a woman? Keeps her body tight and can get you free domain names! I’m down! Her face is sometimes on and sometimes off so she barely made the list. But when she’s “on”, she’s pretty damn hot. Flat stomach, abs, and stays active. I’m sure with that much energy, she’s give The Hulk a run for his money in the bedroom. But that wouldn’t deter me from trying to cripple her and keep her wheelchair bound. Yeah, Jillian! Try to keep up now! I’d hulk her in her chair and turn that energy level down a few notches giving me the advantage…. But I digress. Gammas down, man. Gammas down!

Name: Draya Michele

Status: Bad Parent, Hulk Smash

Occupation: Model/Reality Broad

Why?: Have you EVER looked up photos of Draya? Good God! This chick is physically damn near flawless! Chest? Hot, Butt? Hot! hips? Hot..Face? Perfect. Attitude? Sucks! Parenting Skills? Trash. Chris Brown smashed at one time so Breezy is a lucky bastard. I’m sure he couldn’t Hulk Smash and got enough weight in him to MAYBE Bruce-Smash. But I’d put that Green on Draya! She’s some Basketball Wives co-star or something…I don’t know. I saw her on TV and waited for her name to look her up. Then I found she got arrested for neglecting her kid or something while she was out doing something stupid. Whatever. My goal wouldn’t be to have a kid with her. Nah…that would be a negative, doctor. She’s made to look good and smash. ..then go home. Nothing more, nothing less. Sorry Draya…but you know that’s the truth. *shrug*

Name: Dania Ramirez

Status: Smash and Repeat

Occupation: Actress

Why?: Good God! Someone posted some modeling pix of this woman and without blinking, I found her pix, and put her on the Hulk Smash list! Stat! It took a while before realizing this Dominican piece of happy pie was the chick in X-Men…the hottie that was putting on our fellow Hulk Smasher, Halle Berry. She was hot then with all of that black leather and those crazy tats. I’d smash her then..AS the Hulk! Marvel, get on this! This chick is straight up dope! Just look at her. If I came home and my lady was She-Hulking Dania on our bed…I wouldn’t blame her one bit.

Name: Alyssa Milano

Status: Black Magic

Occupation: Actress

Why?: I’ve wanted this chick since she was in Commando. Yeah, it sounds perverted since she was 8 but you know what? So was I! Let’s raise up to Who’s the Fuckin’ Boss?! Still wanted to give it to this Italian beauty. Then comes Charmed and more crap! Still wanted her. Remember when she was down on her luck and kissing lesbian vampires? Yeah…I wanted her even more then. Alyssa has kept her looks up this whole time and hasn’t slipped yet. You’re a moron if you wouldn’t sport her on your arm and then sport her face into the bed’s headboard! Blawww!!

Name: Aishwarya Rai

Status: Bollywood Gamma

Occupation: Actress

Why?: Hey,…I’m not really sure about the films this woman has appeared in nor do I really care. All I know is that she’s been in a shit-load of movies, is hot, and would be a recipient of the Smash Hammer! I’ve seen a lot of Indian women who would get hulked and yet there have a been a grip that would get the Peyton Manning pass with the quickness. But Aishwarya (whose name I couldn’t pronounce nor spell without looking at a reference) would get punished on critical Gamma-mass levels. She’s been referred to as “The Most Beautiful woman in the world”. Let’s see how beautiful she looks after 3 rounds Zodi body splashes! Bolly enough for you Aish?